A Quick Exercise to Help Managers Think More Like Therapists

This is the first in a series of exercises I use to help leaders understand how they can and should employ techniques used by therapists with their teams.

PART 1: SHOPPING FOR A THERAPIST

Imagine you are going through a difficult personal challenge and need to find a therapist. What would you look for? Even if you’ve never been to therapy, you probably have a pretty good image of your ideal therapist. Take a minute and reflect on the traits your ideal therapist would have and how the presence or absence of those traits would make you feel:

1. Desired qualities and behaviours of therapist? E.g. good listener

2. Impact on my experience in therapy? E.g. feeling understood, more motivated to share

3. Potential reaction if traits/behaviours are missing? E.g. withholding information, feeling rushed or judged, leaving therapy

Here is a summary of responses I usually receive to the first part of this exercise. I like to share these with managers I’m working with to lay a foundation for the second part of the exercise.

1. Desired qualities and behaviours of therapist?

• Understanding
• Non judgmental
• Supportive
• Normalize what I’m going through
• Give perspective
• Help identify obstacles, real or perceived
• Help overcome obstacles

2. Impact on my experience in therapy?

• Empowered
• Understood
• Relieved
• Normal
• Less alone
• “Good”
• Willingness to be vulnerable and transparent
• Desire to improve/grow
• Motivated and committed

3. Potential reaction if traits/behaviours are missing?

• Feeling dismissed
• Feeling ignored
• Feeling misunderstood
• Feeling judged
• Feeling guilty
• Decreased motivation
• Withdraw emotionally
• Quit therapy/look for new therapist
• Conceal information

PART 2: REFLECT ON PARALLELS WITH MANAGING

If it’s possible, I like to pair managers up to discuss the questions below. For the purpose of this article though, you can answer these questions yourself, but even better if you can find a buddy to discuss your answers with:

1. What parallels do you see between the Therapist/Patient dynamic and that of a Manager/Direct Report?
2. Why might a team member want a manager who behaves like a therapist?
3. When would it not be helpful for a manager to behave like a therapist?
4. How can you as a leader embody more of the desired therapist traits?

PART 3: ACTION PLANNING

Now it’s time for some action planning, based on the answers to the questions in Part 2, using the template below:

Foster Safe Environment at Work:

Personal Action Plan: I will _________ when ________ because ____________. I will hold myself accountable to this action by _________.

Suggested Actions for Leaders:

• Set intention of building an environment that is safe
• Assume good intentions
• Explicitly assure confidentiality
• If you need to break confidentiality, be transparent about who else you will be talking to, what will be shared, and why it’s important to loop others in. Ask for permission to share
• Ask team members how they are doing. Ask if there is anything else they’d like to talk about.

Be More Empathetic, Understanding, and Supportive:

Personal Action Plan: I will ________ when ________ because ____________. I will hold myself accountable to this action by _________.

Suggested Actions for Leaders:

• Research and note favourite affirmations, keep them handy and use them liberally. ( E.g. You’re not alone / It’s never too late / This too shall pass / Everyone’s doing the best they can)
• Avoid diagnosing problems and urge to jump to conclusions by asking more open ended questions
• Make a point of regularly expressing positive thoughts and feelings about team members, along with a wide range of attributes (e.g. appreciate warmth, intellectual curiosity, articulateness, willingness to ask for help, dedication to growth etc).
• Try to see the world the way your team member sees it. Don’t assume because you’ve experienced the same event that it was the same experience. Learning about someone’s past and their current context helps increase empathy.

Over the years, I’ve grown to appreciate how important it is for both therapists and managers to cultivate an environment that feels safe for patients and team members. Patients and team members need to trust their therapists and managers so that they can share their thoughts, feelings, and opinions openly. Problems and emotions don’t just magically go away, they need to be expressed and addressed. I describe these lessons in more depth here.

If a patient/team member trusts their therapist/leader, they’ll be more likely to go to them for help with problems, knowing they can have an open discussion that is solutions focused, instead of worrying about repercussions. Not only that, they’ll feel more ownership over their problems and empowered to solve them.

I hope you found some of these tips helpful. If you want to learn more, I’ve created an online course going into this topic in more depth.

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